OSU vs. UM – Counterpoint

Fans face off

Staff Writer

CHRIS ASADIAN THE WASHTENAW VOICE

Ohio State University, I’d like to thank you for making it so easy to bash your football team. You’re named after a tree, and I guess kind of a cookie. I’d just like to point out that trees are as terrifying and intimidating as a bunny rabbit, which Wolverines eat. And I can think of 1,000 ways to make a cookie . . . crumble. The OSU football team is one of the few topics of discussion in Ann Arbor that just about everyone who is true to their town will get heated over. And it’s not because they’ve beat us the last four year; it’s because we’re losing to such an embarrassing school. Your university is located in the armpit of America, directly below the beautiful Great Lakes State and next to the only state worth as little as you are, Indiana. The sole thing you’re state is known for in Michigan is your tigers, monkeys and gazelles. I don’t even know if the Toledo Zoo has gazelles, but I can guarantee they’re more exciting than the OSU football team. I know this because the only interesting aspect of the Ohio State team is the fact that its coach looks like an evolved Paleozoic creature. I’m expecting him to grow gills and go flopping into the ocean at any given moment. Ohio State football players should be ashamed. For a high school athlete, choosing OSU over the University of Michigan is like waking up one day and saying, “Why yes, I’d love to hate the next four years of my life.” There is a reason this school goes through head football coaches the way six-year-olds squish fireflies. Because the town, the university, the team, its players and especially the fans are as powerful and exciting as a glow bug in a Smucker’s jar. OSU football fans are just as repulsive as the people getting paid to support the athletics department. And there is nothing worse than finding an Ohio State fan in Ann Arbor. Watching them walk around our town with that smug look on their faces for the last four years is nauseating. UM needs to reclaim its dignity on the field. Michigan fans need to be at the game, rattling their keys and screaming until their faces are maize and blue. Fill all of the 106,201 seats and make those losers listen to the game from Pioneer.