Olympics just bring a lot more confusion to sports illiterate

Editor

I don’t really like sports. I don’t like playing them, watching others play them or talking about them, so naturally, I don’t know much about them.

Probably thanks to their popularity, however, I do enjoy watching the Olympics most of the time. With the Winter Olympic Games starting Feb. 12, I have another chance to prove my knowledge, or lack of, of the sports world.

I hate to be such a stereotypical girl, but stereotypes are there for a reason, right? When I do watch any game on television the various sports terms fly by. My lack of knowledge can be difficult for my position at The Washtenaw Voice because I have to edit sports pages. Usually I can catch major errors, but that’s about it.

Just for the Olympics I looked into some of the terms that will be used in the competitions. Unfortunately, they left me with more questions than answers.

It’s pretty impressive that sports fans know all of these words and remember what they mean. I bet they could even use them in a sentence.

Personally, I think I’ll watch the Olympics with the sound off.

Figure Skating

Triple axel: I thought they were using ice skates, not roller skates. So what does that have to do with wheels?
Throw jump: If you’re angry at your partner, you probably shouldn’t be skating with them, right?
Cherry flip: Is eating allowed on the ice?
Death spiral: Why would anyone willingly do anything that has the word “death” in it?

Snowboarding

Half-pipe: What happened to the other half?
Heel edge: Is it advisable to snowboard in high-heeled shoes?
Chicken salad: Why are all these athletes so hungry all the time?
Run-out: Is this what a snowboarder does after he falls on his face?
Fakie: Is that anything like a ‘falsie’?

Curling

Sweep: Do brooms work on ice?
Skip: Skipping down the ice? That doesn’t sound like a good idea.
Draw: Wouldn’t the crayons freeze before you finish the picture?
Take-out: Is it that difficult to find the time to eat before the game starts?

Hockey

Icing: Doesn’t this belong on cupcakes?
Shootout: Won’t bullets hurt the ice?
Slashing: Does this lead to blood?
Hooking: Sorry, doesn’t that just sound dirty?