OPINION

Headlines I’d like to see this year

By Jacob Kuiper
Staff Writer

New year, new dreams. There is a lot of negative news out there and not a lot of hope. I thought I’d take a second to step back and offer some optimism and comedic relief with some headlines I’d like to see this year.

Punxsutawney Phil predicts end to winter forever

Punxsutawney Phil, the prophetic groundhog of Gobbler’s Knob and Groundhog Day, made an unfortunate prediction for the North this year: six more weeks of winter. After a considerably mild start to winter here in Michigan, it has gotten bitterly cold in early February; six more weeks of this is unwelcome news to Michiganders.

Fortunately, Phil isn’t actually that good at his job. While his “Inner Circle” boasts that he has 100% predictive accuracy, in reality “Phil has gotten it right 40% of the time over the last 10 years,” according to the National Centers for Environmental Information. So hopefully the Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extraordinary will be wrong again this year.

Personally, one more week of winter is too much for me. Next year, I want Phil to predict an end to winter all together and enjoy his well earned retirement.

More Chinese balloons, this time just for birthdays

From Jan. 28 to Feb. 4 of this year, a large, white balloon of Chinese origin crossed North America, igniting America’s fascination, fear, and political bickering alike. The problem became so serious that Secretary of State Antony Blinken canceled a planned trip to Beijing, and the U.S. military shot the balloon down off the coast of South Carolina.

With U.S.-China relations at an all time low, this event opened the wound even further. “Clearly this was an attempt by China to gather information, to defeat our command and control of our sensitive missile defense and nuclear weapon sites,” said chairman of the House Intelligence Committee Mike Turner (R-Ohio) during an interview on NBC. China responded similarly hostile with Vice Foreign Minister Xie Feng lodging a formal complaint with the U.S. Embassy saying that this was a “U.S. attack on a Chinese civilian unmanned airship by military force.”

Rogue Chinese spy balloons were not on my 2023 bingo card. The next time I see balloons, Beijing, Biden, and Blinken in the same sentence, I just hope we’re talking about a birthday party.

Politicians are good, honest people

“All politicians are professional liars,” a famous quote by Jessica Pearson of the TV show “Suits”, perhaps best sums up America’s views towards those who govern.

Perhaps no politician ever has exemplified this quote like newly elected New York Representative George Santos. The laundry list of lies he has told seems to increase every day, including lying about how and when his mother died, claiming that he was Jewish and that his grandparents died in the Holocaust, lying about where he went to college and what degree he holds, lying about his work experience, and more. Despite all this, he will probably be allowed to finish his term.

This is just one aspect of Americans’ growing discontent with the government. According to Pew Research, 64% of Americans found it “somewhat” or “very hard” to understand what is true when listening to politicians talk. Similarly, Pew also found that a near historic low of just 20% of Americans trust the government to do what is right “just about always” or “most of the time.”

Needless-to-say, Americans are somewhat unhappy with the way our government functions. A little bit of renewed trust would go a long way to cure much of what ails our society today.