The art of twerking

Twerkisha Kinberg poses in a twerking shirt with a crown on her head

Twerkisha Kinberg.

by TWERKISHA KINBERG

Twerking is most commonly known as “the dance of the gluteus maximus,” but it is much more than that. It’s a lifestyle and I live it.

Through my teen years I became more accustomed to the lifestyle and that’s how I ended up on top as “The Twerk Queen.” It all started when a dear friend of mine, who unfortunately was not blessed with a big donk-a-donk, decided that, even though she was rearly flat, she was still going to learn how to twerk before homecoming. Regrettably, we weren’t able to master twerking in time for the big dance and spent the night cha-cha sliding instead.

It took two years of consistent dedication and practice for me to accomplish the authentic gluteus jiggle, but once I began twerking I was immediately addicted. I walked twerk, talked twerk and listened to twerk anthems daily for weeks.

In the spring of 2014 I hit a low in my twerking voyage. I proposed a competition with a friend who was also not genetically privileged with a big derriere, in a contest to see who could get a flat stomach first. She agreed. I worked out everyday for a few months and as my stomach flattened, my once voluminous buns tragically dwindled to an all-time low. To this day I still order the large fries in hopes of a colossal growth of my fanny.

Even though my twerker hasn’t been restored to its original size people, say it resembles my soon-to-be wife Nicki Minaj’s rear end almost identically. The compliments people give you are extremely crucial to gaining the confidence it takes to be “The Twerk Queen.” It’s a major title and it brings a lot of intimidation.

Everyone’s twerk story is different, primarily because most of them fail before they make it to the top like I did. Devotion to mastering the dance is the only thing that will make you understand how phenomenal the lifestyle is. Being a twerkaholic is the best thing that has happened to me, and it can happen to you, too. So start today; all it takes is one squat.

 

April Fools’!

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