Panda Depressed: Students riot as popular Chinese chain leaves WCC

students protesting the loss of orange chicken

A group of outraged students protest the loss of orange chicken outside of The Spot. Gray Bancroft | Washtenaw Voice

By TAYLOR MABELITINI
Contributor

 

Students have begun rioting this week amidst talk that Chinese food chain, Panda Express, would no longer be visiting the WCC campus as they have every Wednesday this year. The reason for the sudden retraction of Panda Express has yet to be revealed with absolutely no word from WCC administration. When asked for comment, staff members had nothing to say, except for stammering between mouthfuls of food and the faint sound of clattering chopsticks.

Several sources close to the college’s administration have told the Voice that the beloved lunch staple is simply being moved to a secret staff lounge. Those sources asked to remain anonymous for fear of being attacked by the rioting students and tortured for information.

The incident has been branded “#PandaGate,” as evidenced by trending topics on Twitter. Students rallied around the usual Panda Express line this past Wednesday carrying signs reading “Bring Back Our Orange Chicken,” “No Rice, Not Nice,” and “Dick Cheney Made Money Off The Iraq War.”

“I just don’t understand. This is the only good thing we have left here. Between rising book prices and monthly rent, one of the only things I have left that I can afford to treat myself to is lunch,” WCC general studies student, Nick Valli, 19, said.

“Bagels are always running out at The Spot, beef jerky is up to five dollars a pop at the bookstore, and everyone knows Subway has that weird bread smell,” Valli said. “How’s a man supposed to make it without orange chicken in this day and age? With this economy? Unbelievable. Thanks Obama.”

There’s nothing to suggest yet that students’ cries are being heard, but only lunchtime will tell. Until then, it’s suggested to keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your Chinese food as close to your person as it can possibly be.

 

April Fools’!

 

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